Between a rock and the giant pulsating cock that is Time Warner cable

First of all, I've always hated how the cable and telephone companies in each city have you by the balls. If you want TV, internet or telephone you have 2 options- go to the telephone company that services the area or go to the cable company that services the area. It might be different in larger cities, I don't know, but it's moot because here they can take everyone by the genitals and swing them around until their nads are stretched and useless.

So 5 months ago I call up Time Warner and tell them I need internet service and I'm tired of paying for a phone line to get DSL. The sales guy talks me into getting cable as well, telling me I can cancel it within a month and I still get a reduced price on the internet. Well, yeah, I fall for it and I end up leaving the cable even though I never watch it. I'm not mad about it. The sales guy was just doing his job, and hey, I'm the sucker who fell for it.

Then, after a number of broken promises to call me back and set up a time to install my cable, I finally schedule a time to set it up. So I leave work early one day and go wait for the cable guy. No cable guy. This happens 2 more times until he finally comes. I'm still not mad, I'm just happy to have internet.

I have some immediate problems with the internet, but it's my wireless router and I take care of it. Then I have more problems with the internet. It's time warner's fault but the won't do anything about it. I'm still not mad. The problems only knock me off the internet once every few days, and it's usually only for a few hours.

Anyway, I signed up on the website for direct deposit. I get one more paper bill, I pay it, and from there on out my online account tells me not that I don't have a balance- direct deposit has taken over. Well, I got a call this morning that went something like this.

TWC: Hi, this is time warner cable.
Dave: Hi. Thanks for calling me in the middle of work, I appreciate that.
TWC: No problem. So guess what.
Dave: What?
TWC: You owe us $360
Dave: .......what.
TWC: Yeah, turns out that for the last 3 months and this month your direct deposit didn't go through. So, if you could pay that today, that'd be great.
Dave: .......what.
TWC: Yup. If you can't pay today, that's cool. We'll just add some late charges, effectively doubling your bill.
Dave: .......what.
TWC: Cool, huh?
Dave: But... 3 months is $180ish and 4 is $240ish.
TWC: Oh, yeah, well we decided to add about $100 in returned check fees.
Dave: Did you?
TWC: Yep, you can pay me, or online as long as it's today.
Dave: ........


So I go online to pay this ridiculous thing and I CAN'T. MY ACCOUNT BALANCE IS STILL $0 ACCORDING TO THE WEBSITE. I'm going to call and clear this up at lunch. I pity the person who takes the call.

I have the money, it's not an issue of that. Doesn't stop me from wanting to choke someone though. Now, I'm mad.