Deep Thoughts

I was digging through old work and I found my old english journals we had to do when I was a freshman in college. I obviously wouldn't take them seriously and what I ended up
writing was something like Jack Handy's 'Deep Thoughts'. Here are a few of them:

What was your favorite activity as a child?
When I was a kid I liked playing with Daddy’s hacksaw. It could cut through lots of things, statues, trees, necks. One day Daddy took it away from me. I was sad. But I found it in Daddy’s room after he fell asleep. And I think it is safe to say he won’t take it back again.

Who is your favorite family member?
My favorite family member is my dog. She never bothers me about anything or tells me I have to do something her way. Whenever I ask her a question she just says “Roo?” and is on her way. She is gross and disgusting, sleeps all day and doesn’t work at all. But that is ok, that describes me too. My favorite quality about her is that she is quiet. And fluffy.

Think of the time when you were the maddest.
There was this one time when I was like 4 this doctor stuck a long pointy metal thing in my arm. It hurt like a bitch. It really pissed me off. So I punched the doctor. When he regained consciousness I hit him again. That bastard deserved it though, that’s what he gets for sticking things in my arm. Who’s laughing now, doc?

If you were a Spanish bullfighter what would your costume look like and why?
As I have thought many times, my design for a bullfighting costume would be a cape. Only a cape, nothing else. I think that being naked would give me more reason to get out of the way. It would also be more entertaining to crowd and open me up for cool nicknames like “Naked Bullfighter”, “El torero desnudo”, and “Retardo”. And my cape would be a bat cape. I would have all sorts of cool stuff pop out: grappling hook, throwing stars, candy, chain saw, ect.


What is your most embarrassing moment?
One time in high school, there was this girl, Mandy, who had this thing for me. She would follow me around and do my bidding, but I wasn’t interested. A few weeks before prom she finally got up the courage to ask me out. Oh, how I laughed. I laughed and laughed until she cried. Then I laughed some more. I’m pretty sure that was her most embarrassing moment.





There is a sort of primitive, unrefined comedy in them... though a total lack of grammar.